What's orange and sounds like a
parrot?
A carrot.
What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?
A
labracadabrador.
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he
couldn't see that well.
How do you help your friend round up his 37
sheep?
Tell him he has 40.
Why aren’t koalas considered to be actual
bears?
They don’t meet the koalafications
Why is it hard to explain
puns to kleptomaniacs?
They always take things literally.
Why do
chicken coops only have two doors?
Because if they had four, they would be
chicken sedans.
Why did the man give the pony a glass of water?
Because it was a little horse.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because
it was two-tired.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Follow the
Fresh Prince.
What did the inventor of knock-knock jokes win?
The
no-bell prize.
Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt?
Because he doesn't
want to be spotted.
What's large, gray, and doesn't matter?
An
irrelephant.
Why don't dinosaurs talk?
Because they're all dead.
What do you give a sick bird?
Tweetment.
What should you do if
you are scared of elevators?
Take steps to avoid them.
Why shouldn't
you try to eat a clock?
It's very time-consuming.
Why is it OK that
people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones?
Because people in Abu Dhabi do.
What do you get when you pour root beer into a square glass?
Beer