Military Jokes


A squad of American soldiers is patrolling along the Iraqi border. To their surprise, they find the badly mangled dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road.


A short distance up the road, they find a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, and is still barely alive. They run to him, cradle his blood-covered head, and ask him what happened.


"Well," he whispers, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth. I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying bastard!'"


"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'Bill Clinton is an unprincipled, lying bastard!'"


"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."



Just before a soldier made his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, “Count to ten and pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for the auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up.”


The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened. He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened. As he careened crazily earthward, he said to himself, “Damn. Nothing's going right. Now I'll bet that damn truck won't be there either!”



The Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the field. As they hit the sack for the night, the 1SG said: "Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see."


The CO said "I see millions of stars."


1st Sgt.: "And what does that tell you, sir?"


CO: Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?"


1st Sgt.: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent"



Back to jokes index