Work Jokes
Three Envelopes
A CEO of a troubled company was relieved of his duties at the Board of Directors meeting. When he returned to his office to collect his personal belongings, his replacement was bringing in his first boxload. Not wanting it to be an uncomfortable moment, the former CEO spoke.
"I have nothing against you. This has been a terrible period in my life, and I only wish you the best," he said. "Before I go, let me give you three envelopes. If things start to become really tough, open the first one. After that, you will be fine for awhile, then when it gets tougher, open the second..."
The new CEO thanked his predecessor, finished moving in and began to organize himself. A few months went by, he had made no progress, and was called into a meeting with the Board of Directors. He decided it was time to open the first envelope.
Written on a piece of paper was the advice, "Blame conditions on your predecessor." The man went to the meeting, took the advice, and the Board seemed pacified. He promised in short time he would undo the damage from before.
A few more months went by with still no progress, and the CEO was faced with yet another grilling by the Board. He opened the second envelope. The message said, "Tell them you are in the middle of a reorganization." This he did and was granted some more time.
It soon became evident that whatever he tried, the CEO could not make any progress. He was faced with one more meeting before the Board and he had no clues. He took the third envelope out of his desk drawer, tore it open and read the instructions: "Prepare three envelopes."
The Chandelier
As the foreman was inspecting the workmen on site, he was surprised to find one worker hanging from a rope in the middle of the room repeating, "I'm a chandelier, I'm a chandelier."
The foreman gives him a stern talking-to as the other men watch, and then orders him back to work.
During his next inspection of the same room, again the worker is hanging from the rope doing exactly what he was told not to.
Furious at his disobedience the foreman fires him on the spot.
To his surprise, every worker in the room begins packing up their tools and leaving. He stops one worker and says, "Why are all of you leaving?"
To which the reply is, "You don't expect us to work without light do you?"